Weighty Issues

Wait. No Weight. I hate weight. Almost as much as money. Both change you and both are always on the mind. Too much of one equals misery...too little of the other equals misery. So fortunately for me I learned my money lessons young and remain in solid control of that. As for my weight. Ugh! It's just the ugliest word I know. You see all the ads that promise miracle results and miracle bodies....all the while of course you don't have to excersize and eat whatever you want! Yeah right. Now to someone who has struggled, fought, and lost repeatedly to the same battle want and crave that "miracle" that is going to make us skinny and then automatically happy because we are skinny. Not so much.

As a youngin' I was skinny. I was also involved in an activity for every day of the week. Cheerleading, dancing, gymnastics......they all you keep you in shape no matter what you eat. They all seemed to come to an end at the same time and then the obsession with food started. My Mom was ALWAYS on a diet. At 12 years old and maybe younger a bit part of my diet was Healthy Choice and Smart Ones. I never thought a thing about it, it's what you did to stay skinny, but it didn't work when I snuck snacks all the time and then hid the wrappers. Now don't get me wrong, I in no way blame my Mom. She was "brainwashed" for lack of a better word by my father while they were together. He obviously has the biggest issue of all. I was always chubbier than my friends, not fat, but chubby. I wasn't the one that got looked at in a crowd or even drew attention in a crowded room. Pretty, but never beautiful. Beautiful being of course the only thing I wanted to be. Finally after college I almost got to my goal weight. Had looked the best I ever had. Drum role please.....then I got pregnant and what better excuse to eat with my dear? If thats not the easiest excuse ever I don't know what is. Sixty-five pounds later, it wasn't such a funny excuse to eat a McFlurry everyday for 6 months straight. People - that will make you fat!!!! So she was getting older and I would lose and gain and lose and gain - then came baby #2 - only gained 40lbs with her. Yeah! Fourty on top of the 30 I didn't take off with the first one. They should make a sport out of weight fluctuation - all directions hard work. Never got past a certain point each time...then give up.

Giving up was usually when other things were going wrong and I was a sulky puss anyways so why not lean on food - the most consistant friend you can get.....unless you burn it. So about a year ago, a friend from work, Christina and I decided that we had had enough. That was it! We went to the gym and signed up and weren't even going to tell the hubbies...you know, just suprise them with our suddenly svelte physiques. I can't keep things to myself very good so I spilled, but hers noticed before she told him. So, go us... and there we went. We went to the gym 3-4 times a week and I faithfully stuck to Slim Fast and we plunged on. Slim Fast by the way - not a bad way to go. Most of us don't eat right and at least you know you are getting your daily doses of healthy and it really does help resist the hunger demon. But wouldn't you friggin know - I hit that plateau again and boom - scale stopped for a good 6 months!!! It didn't matter if I ate a ton or nothing at all that scale just wouldn't budge! So about 2 months ago I had at it again and went jumped back on the Slim Fast road again. I do have to say minus the gym though :-). I could kick myself and really need to go back. I used to think that working out was a joke - oh just eat less and it will make up for it. Doesn't work that way I guess. The weight comes off more porportioned and even at a higher weight you look better because things start retracting to their proper postion. But here I sit 70lbs lighter. I think 20more need to go, but we will get to that....so consider theis the Almost end. Bottom line - I guess is weight is an emotional rollercoaster that some people have to deal with more than others. Just think to yourself when you go to put that 2nd doughnut in the open mouth, just think of yourself. Don't dwell on what everyone else is thinking when they look at you or how your husband will love you more if you are thin. If a man MAKES you feel bad because of weight - GET RID OF HIM - he's no good anyways, but don't eat it because when you really ask yourself, you don't want it, you just need something to do with your hands. The only one you punish in indulging is yourself, but always allow one day a week to splurge. You would be suprised how well behaved you are when you give yoursefl permission to be "bad." If there is anyone that reads this blog and has a story of your own...I would lov eto hear from you!!!! Have a great day and a better tomorrow!!!!!